responding
There is so much responsibility that goes into being a mother. And there seems to be even more depths to reach within our willingness to be a mother who is determined to raise her child consciously. Each opportunity we are presented with as a mother offers us the prospect of healing and redefining our reality as well as refining our conscious parenting skills.
My recent and more difficult opportunities appeared like this:
How to effectively mother immediately upon being smacked in the eye with a swing by my 4 year old son who innocently wanted my attention.
The swing came out of nowhere, the very swing that week’s prior seemed like a brilliant idea to have hanging from the living room ceiling, and it was, until this moment. I abruptly got off the phone sharing briefly and feverishly that I had just been struck in the face… hard. There was blood. It hurt intensely. Everything within my body was at high alert status. I was pissed I was scared and I was sad, deeply sad. He immediately took responsibility and said, “I am so sorry mommy, I am so so so sorry.” Throughout the experience I was somehow acutely aware that my son just before he made this choice was completely unaware of the consequences. He has just reacted in the most primal and immature way we, as beings can react, and he is only four years old.
It took more will and strength than I had previously ever imagined having to not match him with my own primal instinct in order to address this situation consciously. I knew I needed to mother in the highest possible way. And I immediately saw that I must reach for this. There was a lesson here for the both of us as it turned out and I needed to show up completely while acknowledging the gravity of this situation resisting any temptation to shame him with a look, with words and to refrain from the instinctive appeal for violence. (Which for an instant seemed unbelievably justifiable) Fortunately for us both something bigger and more powerful was coming through. I shifted my focused to this wisdom. I was able to calm myself down and address my son letting him know that the choice he had just made to throw the swing at me had affected me. He saw my bloody face and swollen eyelid and I let him know that it hurt, a lot. I shared with him that the swing, as a consequence of his choice to throw it at me would immediately be taken back outside and that he would not get to watch any shows for the remainder of the day. I also let him know that I now needed to take care of myself. He heard me. I hugged him and proceeded to clean myself up in the bathroom and release some emotions in private.
During the moments that followed my thoughts became intrusive and I was tempted over and over as a result of my thoughts to shame him with words. And I resisted again and again shifting my focus each and every time. I dug deep and deeper still into the well within for compassion, for me and for him. My mind continued to create all kinds of stories such as “this should have never happened" and "this child I have carried for nine months, home birthed and breast fed for three years did this to me” and recalling so many of the times I had gotten up with him every so many hours for nearly four years, and thinking “how could he do this to me.... ". I saw with each irrational thought this old way of being arguably wanted to fall victim to the situation. I was able to deflect every thought by remembering that it wasn't the situation that was causing the emotional upset, it was my thoughts about it.
Through a diligent practice of choice and a willingness to allow God, who is greater than me, to whisper to me and to hear her, I was able to continue to show up for me and appropriately mother to my son in a healthy and functional way. I was able to be the mother he is (and we all are) inherently worthy of having.